Pushing Too Hard on a Direct Report to Grow? Ask Madeleine

Dear Madeleine,

I am the general counsel for a complex global conglomerate. I have a direct report who came with me from my last job and has always been terrific. She started as an admin and moved on to being a paralegal. Then, with my support and encouragement, she managed to get through law school and pass the bar. She is now a staff attorney.

She continues to work hard and is super responsive. She is good at creating relationships with the right people in the business units and knows when to escalate problems.

A couple of months ago I thought it would be a good opportunity for her to present a report that she spearheaded to our executive team. She kind of fell apart. I kept asking her to put rehearsals on my calendar so I could make sure she was on the right track, and she would cancel at the last minute, claiming deadlines (which is fair as we always have emergencies). I kept asking to see her draft of the deck and she kept assuring me she was almost done and would send it along, but never did.

On the big day, she did something she has never done in all the time I have known her: she called in sick. She sent me her deck and asked if I could present on her behalf. The deck was fine. It needed about an hour of work from me at the last minute because the level of detail was not appropriate for the group, but it was well organized and looked great.

I have been trying to get her to talk to me about what happened, but she is now actively dodging me. If she wants to keep growing in her career, which I assume she does, she is going to have to get comfortable presenting to senior leaders. Right now she isn’t even comfortable speaking to our team, but she’s going to have to get over it. She is so smart and competent I can actually see her replacing me at some point or being a GC someplace else.

How can help her to face her fears? Am I pushing too hard?

Too Pushy

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Dear Too Pushy,

You are asking the wrong person. It sounds like you have been a dream boss in a lot of ways, but you may want more for your superstar than she wants for herself. Or she may not be ready to ask for your help because she is so used to not needing it that she doesn’t know how. Her avoidance, procrastination, inability to face the discomfort getting your help, and then the final dodge would certainly indicate that she might be one of the many people who have a crushing fear of speaking in public. For someone who is used to being good at things, it can be even harder to face the one thing they do not have confidence in.

In our time-tested SLII^® model we outline the journey of a person learning something new. They start as an enthusiastic beginner. Next, they almost always hit a wall and become a disillusioned learner. Then, depending on the difficulty of the task and the person’s aptitude, they progress to being a capable but cautious contributor. Finally, with practice and experience, they can be trusted to be a self-reliant achiever.

Ideally one’s leader provides the leadership style that matches each person’s development level on any given task. One might argue that in this case you used a leadership style appropriate only for someone in the last stage. I am not blaming you—your employee has done a very good job of sending you the message that she does not need you. She may be uncomfortable admitting to herself that she needs help with anything, which is pretty common among self-sufficient high performers.

I know it is hard to pin someone down when they are actively dodging you, but I think you must insist. Be direct and clear. Send her an email saying you need to meet and talk about what happened and what she wants for herself career-wise. Maybe she is satisfied where she is and has no interest in tackling the speaking thing. Or maybe she does have aspirations but feels unable to face her fears. You won’t know until you:

• • make sure she knows it is her choice and that you won’t judge her either way;
  • ask her what her dreams for herself are; and
  • be ready to offer any support or direction she seems open to.

If she does aspire to growing her abilities, you might work together on a plan to get her comfortable slowly, increasing the stakes as her confidence grows. Have her start with her peers, then maybe a small group of senior leaders. Help her understand how to shape material for the audience and create summaries/ implications of detailed slides. Perhaps she can join Toastmasters—I have had many clients increase their comfort levels and skills in their local clubs. Or you can have her work with a coach who specializes in presentation and speaking skills.

We can keep speculating but, ultimately, you will only find out what is really going on by asking her. Your star might want you to only see the best of her and won’t want to discuss it with you, so it will be important to reassure her that you don’t think less of her just because she is not 100% perfect at everything. Just continue to support her growth and be her champion.

As long as you don’t succumb to the temptation to turn her into who you want her to be, you will probably continue to enjoy and benefit from her success. And, more to the point, she will continue to flourish and find new ways to contribute.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

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