Ask Madeleine Is Evolving. Here’s What Comes Next.

Dear Ask Madeleine Reader,

Ask Madeleine is evolving to a monthly feature on the Blanchard website and I wanted you to be the first to know.

It has been ten years since I started the Ask Madeleine advice column. I got the idea after reading a profile of Jeanne Phillips, who took over her mother’s Dear Abby column. It struck me that I have always loved advice columns—and clearly many others do as well, since there was plenty of room for both Pauline Phillips (Dear Abby) and her twin sister Eppie Lederer (Ann Landers). Nearly every newspaper carries a syndicated advice column.

I remember thinking, What if we had one for leaders? For managers? For the people who work for them? Most people have jobs. Most people spend a great deal of time at work. Why not an advice column devoted to the human dilemmas of the workplace?

What is it about advice columns that attracts us? I think we are fascinated by other people’s problems—partly because they remind us that, whatever we may be facing, it could always be worse. Peeking through a window into someone else’s reality expands our understanding of the world and the human condition. Advice columns serve some of the same purposes as gossip—but in a far safer, more constructive way.

There is also something satisfying about anticipating what the columnist will say and comparing it to the advice we would give ourselves.

Ultimately, though, I was compelled to write the column because in my “day job” I am a professional coach—which means I am ethically bound not to give advice. Many people assume coaching is about telling clients what to do. It is not. The coach’s job is to help clients think through their challenges and arrive at their own wisdom. Writing an advice column gave me an outlet.

Although my responses may sometimes have sounded like personal opinions, I worked hard to ground them in a consistent set of what I think of as universal principles. Over time, I wanted the point of view to feel coherent. These principles were shaped over decades of coaching, managing, and leading in businesses. I gathered them from novels and nonfiction, from philosophy, and from remarkable teachers—Henry Kimsey-House, Thomas Leonard, Shirley Anderson, Ken and Margie Blanchard, and my husband, Scott Blanchard.

If you are curious about those principles, I have listed them below. All of the blogs—and these principles—have been uploaded to Blanchard.ai (currently under construction), so they will live on and continue to serve Blanchard readers.

I owe many thanks to David Witt, our Director of Content Marketing, who was willing to take a risk on my idea and support the logistics of publishing a weekly blog. I am also deeply indebted to my trusty editor, Renee Broadwell, who has never mocked my inability to retain the finer points of capitalization or my occasional lapses of decorum. Renee’s superpower is softening my edges while preserving my voice. Both Dave and Renee have made me better.

Most of all, I am grateful to those who trusted me enough to send letters describing fascinating—and often heartbreaking—conundrums. I have learned so much from reflecting on each challenge and from the wise counsel of others I consulted along the way. To all of you: thank you for asking.

And of course, thank you—my readers.

If you had told me ten years ago that I would write a blog post every week, fifty weeks a year, I would have laughed. But that is exactly what happened.

Why stop now, you might wonder? The letters have slowed to a trickle. I suspect many people are asking ChatGPT or Claude instead of me. And the challenges, while timeless, have begun to repeat: My boss is an imbecile, a narcissist, a cretin—or simply AWOL. My employee is lazy, entitled, unmotivated, or worse. I’m stuck in a political quagmire and see no way out.

The workplace may change. Human nature does not.

I will continue to write monthly for Blanchard, focusing on leadership coaching and sharing what I continue to learn about leadership, navigating organizational mayhem, and coaching. And I am always happy to receive your questions. Please don’t hesitate to send them to askmadeleine@blanchard.com.

With gratitude,

Madeleine
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Universal Principles

• • You learn more from taking action than from thinking about taking action. Thinking is valuable—but when you start going in circles, it is time to act.
  • Anything worth doing is worth getting help with. (Thomas Leonard)
  • Goals are useful because they point you in a direction and launch you into action.
  • The universe honors goals. Saying them out loud, writing them down, and enlisting support signals that you are serious—and help often appears. Uncanny but true.
  • The laws of physics apply to humans as much as to matter. Momentum and inertia are real in life: a body in motion stays in motion; a body at rest stays at rest. Action begets action. Energy attracts energy.
  • Time and space are finite. Even philosophers and mystics must live with deadlines and budgets.
  • Be like Horton the Elephant: “I meant what I said and I said what I meant.” Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Do what you say.
  • Fortune favors the brave.

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Leadership Principles

• • Managing people is an opportunity to confront your shortcomings daily—sometimes hourly.
  • The higher a leader rises, the more their flaws are magnified.
  • A leader is one whom others choose to follow.  If they don’t trust you, they won’t follow you.
  • Managing is hard. Caring deeply about people while staying accountable for results requires almost superhuman effort.
  • Leadership happens when you manage with vision, purpose, and heart.
  • People will only let you coach them if they trust that you care.
  • The more you catch people doing things right, the more right things they will do. (Ken Blanchard)
  • If you do not redirect behavior early, it will continue.
  • “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work. Leaders must role model the behavior they expect.
  • Most sticky situations require a hard conversation. The more comfortable you are saying the hard thing—and then being quiet—the better.
  • You cannot spend 80% of your time on low performers. If someone will not maintain a good attitude, learn, and work hard, they need to go. I have never heard a leader regret letting go of a bad egg.
  • Leaders must take care of themselves so they can take care of others.
  • The thing you think is obvious is often not obvious to anyone else.
  • If you do not share expectations, you will get what you get.

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Laws of Humans

• • There are cruel people in the world—and sometimes in your workplace. Bullies persist unless confronted.
  • People will get away with whatever behavior you allow.
  • The people most upset by your boundaries are often those who benefited from your lack of them.
  • Not everyone has to like you. Respect may be enough.
  • Not everyone is like you.
  • Nobody can read your mind.
  • Resentment is a signal that something is out of balance. Ignored, it corrodes. (“Resentment is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.”)
  • If you are paralyzed by self-consciousness, remember: most people are too busy worrying about themselves to focus on you.
  • You can complain until you understand what is really bothering you. After that, you must act.
  • When overwhelmed, one tool that almost always helps is to figure out what you can control, what you can influence, and what is out of your hands entirely.
  • When stuck about what to do, sometimes the classic Three Choices can help to organize your options: I can do something, I can do nothing, I can walk away.
  • Know your values. They are the only solid ground for decisions. The clearer you are before a crisis, the steadier you will be during one.
  • Core psychological needs will be met—with or without your awareness. If you do not understand them, they will run your life.
  • The #1 key to great working relationships is clear expectations and agreements.
  • Gratitude and focusing on what is working changes the brain for the better.
  • Mindfulness and meditation lower blood pressure, sharpen thinking, and ease anxiety.
  • Exercise increases creativity, improves problem-solving (especially cardio), and strengthens memory (especially weight-bearing exercise).